Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Life Plan

I seem to have a big problem with follow through. I really love to make plans and get ideas and try to organize and set things up...but when it comes to following through and staying on time and track and getting things done, I fall behind. Which I'm okay with to a point...I know that I naturally move and work slower than lots of other people, so I don't let taking a little longer bother me too much. However, there's a difference between taking longer and putting it off, and I have a tendency to slip to the other side. lol So I'm making a real effort to get better at following through with things.

Sometimes I know that I lack follow through because of an insecurity or a bad habit. I want to move forward and do things that I don't know, I want to improve my style of life and be better...but it's hard to get away from the old habits, and it takes time. It's hard for me to win over my shyness and social anxiety, and I often let them win instead. All it takes to win is determination and time, and I've definitely got both. I know I'll continue to slip sometimes, but I won't let a slip be where I end. It's just so dang difficult some days! lol

"Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do something you don’t necessarily want to do, to get a result you would really like to have.” -Andy Andrews

And so I'm going to make myself sit down and work through this little workbook I found by Michael Hyatt. (Here's the link if you want to read it for yourself - it's a pretty quick and easy read, and includes all the worksheets he uses: I don't want to simply be reactive to life anymore...I don't want to live my life relying completely on when others can fit me into theirs, I don't want to feel like I have no idea what I'm working for or where I want to be anymore. So I'm being proactive, and I'm going to sit down and really think about my life and what I want from it, and what I want others to get from knowing me. I know things that are important to me...but all too often I don't manage to fit them into my daily life. I know things that should be important to me, that I make excuses for not doing. And so, step by step, I'm going to make the effort to get my life on a track that I want it to be on.

I'm going to be intentional with what I do in my life. It's going to be difficult, I'm sure, and it's going to take time to get rid of the bad habits and insecurities. But I've been working through these, or at the very least opening myself up to realizing them, for months now. I feel so emotionally vulnerable lately that it's almost driving me batty, but at the same time I welcome it, because it's better than feeling nothing. I've let myself crawl into my own little bubble for entirely too long now, closing myself off from wanting to feel anything other than a little happiness. It's time I let myself feel more happiness, and other emotions as well, knowing that nothing stays the same for long.

I got a little taste of this on Sunday, coming home from Oklahoma on Easter weekend. It was storming terribly all day, and as we were leaving Jon's parent's house, I knew we were trying to beat the next wave of the storms. The sky was dark and ridiculously full of lightening - and not the "oh cool" kind, the "holy crap that's scary looking" kind. lol I started to feel that something bad was going to happen. I kept praying that God would get us home safely and without incident, but I couldn't shake this scared feeling in my chest. And, lo and behold, I got a flat tire. Thankfully Jon wasn't far ahead of me, and he came back to find me and got my tire changed. We also got lucky that it wasn't raining at the time...we were right in the middle of two storms, one just finished and the other not quite started yet. The entire time, I kept waiting for lightening to strike a pole near us and shower us with sparks, or a car to hit some water on the road and swerve into us. It was definitely a test of my faith and my fears...I honestly feel that God was showing me just how powerful he is, and that even in the midst of the storm, he's got me protected. I was constantly searching for a peaceful feeling to wash over me, trying to trust Him and not let my paranoia and nervousness get the better of me. And I had to trust that I'd be able to get home on a spare tire in the midst of all the wind and lightening as well. I definitely thank God for putting Jon in my life...whenever I really need him to step in and be the man I need, he never fails me. He was a calming source for me, taking charge and getting the problem fixed and following me the rest of the way home to make sure nothing else went wrong. It certainly wasn't an experience I wanted to have that night, but I'm grateful for the showing of God's power and the presence of the man he's brought me. It really helped me feel like I was right where I was supposed to be.

Well, I suppose this is all for this rambling session. lol :) Just had to share some thoughts with the world, get them out onto e-paper. lol I hope every one of you who reads this is blessed today! Keep your eyes and hearts open...there's a lot going on in this world of ours that's easy to miss. :)

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