Monday, January 3, 2011

Every New Beginning Comes from Some Other Beginning's End...

Well friends, we've made it.  It's 2011.  And I couldn't be happier that we're here. lol :)

It's hard to believe just how much happened in 2010.  My little niece couldn't walk for the first half of the year, which is hard to believe in itself considering how much she gets around now!  I got my first actual DSLR camera.  I got a bunch of awesome new photography lighting equipment from my work.  I got to see a few interesting concerts and meet some classically famous people.  I was able to celebrate birthdays with all of my friends and also celebrate the births and birthdays of some of their little ones.  I did a few actual photo shoots, which I'd never done before.  Jon and I were able to move into a new, bigger, closer to work apartment.  We hit our 3 year anniversary this year. :)  Overall, it's been a blessing!

I also completed my first photo project, which I'm rather impressed by. lol  I did a Project 365 for 2010, basically meaning that for every day of the year, I have a picture.  So my entire year of 2010 is documented in photographs.  And I actually finished it!! :)  I made a few minor adjustments along the way with how I share them and how I take them, but I definitely put in all the work and managed to finish it. :)  I feel so accomplished! lol And I know over the course of this project I've become a better photographer.  If you'd like to check out my entire project, follow this link - it should let you see them all. :)

Linda's Project 365!

I'm actually really excited that my project's over with. lol  Because with as happy as it makes me, it was so much work and stress to constantly remember that I need a picture every day!  But I'm proud of myself for not letting go and for finishing it. :)  It's not often that I've done that!

And of course, with a new year comes new ideas of what projects I want to focus on.  And this year, I'm focusing more on my inner self.  I've got lots of questions, lots of hurts, lots of joys, lots of discovering that I've pushed to the back of my mind for entirely too long now.  It's time to get those questions answered, time to learn and feel and face some things.  I know I must make this sound like I've got terrible demons hiding in my closets lol...I don't.  I'm a simple girl, and I always have been.  Things that will bother me or stick with me are things that are typically a breeze for most people.  I've just always been extra sensitive, extra slow to respond, and as a result I tend to get hung up where others wouldn't think twice.

And so I'm working through my own personal kinks this year.  Overall, more than anything else, I'm working on loving myself just as I am.  Not constantly thinking of the woman I want to be...the one who manages to keep everything clean and do everything on time, the one who's 60 lbs. lighter, the one who's funnier and smarter and desired more.  I know that woman is inside me, or at least parts of her. lol  I will probably never be a gal who does things on time all the time, or who keeps her home in tip top shape.  But I do have the capacity to be better, and I know this.  It's time to stop thinking of her as a girl from the future.  It's time to stop worrying that I may never be her.  It doesn't matter.  I want to love me, as I am, right now.  Constantly late, a little overweight, soft spoken, a little lonely.  That girl is also super sweet and funny and has a lot to offer.  And it's time I start giving her the chance to shine. :)  Because I know if I take the time to face what I need to face, to learn to really handle myself and the way that I work, that I will become the things that I want to be.  And I won't have to force it or put on a show.  It might still take some work, but it will truly be me.

So that's my goal. :)  To love myself!  If I can manage this, I can't wait to see what doors will open for me.  I'll be so much more of myself that I'll have extra of me to offer to the ones I love. :)  I'll be able to handle things with skill and grace, when they happen and not days or weeks later.  I just have a feeling that things are going to be very fruitful this year. :)

I'm also doing a few little projects this year.  I'm working on my photography skills still....I'm going through a few online classes, and there's a group of us starting up with it this month.  It'll be really cool (I hope) to have others to learn and discuss things with, and to see their work as well.  There's a lot you can do learning on your own...but there's quite a bit to be said for having a community to learn with as well! :)  So that should be interesting, and I'll hopefully have some fun new pictures to share with you all as that goes on.  It's possible by the end of 2011 I'll be a better photographer. :)

I'm also taking on the task of memorizing some scripture.  My faith has been through some very rough waters for quite a long time, and I've never really dealt with any of it.  I sort of just let it be whatever it is, and ignore it.  Well, the time for that is over.  I've got to figure out what I truly believe and get all the junk out of my head, or at least in it's rightful place - the junk folder. lol :)  And so I'm digging in with what I already know and can't shake off - a belief in God.  And I'm going to delve in the best that I can, and see if I feel that it's really true.  And the best way for me to do this (I feel) is by really digging in and going in with an open heart and open eyes.  I really want this to be true.  I want my faith in God to be justified.  But I honestly can't say if it will be or not.  So I'm going in search of truth, starting with what I'm already familiar with and finding whatever holes I may find.  I'm keeping my mind and heart open for whatever truth I may find.  I'm certain that I'll see things differently than most other people do, on either side of the believe/don't believe fence.  But I know that if I can dig in on both sides of that fence and really get what they're talking about (as much as we ever can on this planet), I'll come to the place that I need to be.

I feel like that might sound like a lot of jumbled baloney. lol :)  Which if it does, welcome to my brain for the past few years. lol  Clearly I need to get some things figured out.  I'm just hoping that I have the chance to work at my own pace, without pressure from anyone to think or act a certain way.  I work the way that I work, and I'm hoping people can respect that. :)  I am always open to hearing your thoughts and feelings on anything I share on here.  I share because I want to be heard.  But I want to listen as well. :)  I only ask that it be respectful and not pushy! lol

I'm doing this along with a bunch of ladies on the Living Proof Ministries blog, and something Beth Moore said in the introduction post for this year is a big part of what made me decide to do this.  You're going to be meditating on something, be it past memories, jealousy, pain, the million things you have to do in the next few days...why not meditate on something that can be hopeful and encouraging and comforting?  Train that brain! :)  As a man thinks, so is he.  This year I'm working on thinking more like who I want to be. :)  And so I want to close this crazy long, winding blog with my first verse to memorize for the year.  One of those things that I just happened to fall upon while trying to decide what to memorize first...and it seemed so fitting. :)  I knew I'd found my verse!  I hope you all have the most wonderful year ahead of you. :)  You'll definitely be in my thoughts!

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Psalms 143:8 NIV